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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728103">be rendered insensible to pain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucianlibrarian/pseuds/lucianlibrarian'>lucianlibrarian</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Animal Death, BAMF Ignis Scientia, Blood and Gore, Episode Ignis Spoilers, M/M, Protective Ignis Scientia, Sacrifice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:47:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,011</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728103</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucianlibrarian/pseuds/lucianlibrarian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wake of Pryna's vision, Ignis has a terrible realization.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Noctis Lucis Caelum/Ignis Scientia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>be rendered insensible to pain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had some <em>feels</em> after playing Act 2, Chapter 7 of DFFOO. That plus conversations with <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/demishock">demishock</a> turned into the angst-fest you are about to read.</p><p>The title is taken from Former Senator Peter Fitzgerald's introduction of the 2002 resolution to the <em>Humane Methods of Livestock Slaughter Act</em>. Most of the descriptions of domesticated garula slaughter are based on commercial cattle slaughter, as well as my own experience raising animals from birth to slaughter on an organic farm. Some liberties have, of course, been taken. That said, because such imagery can be disturbing, I've rated this fic accordingly.</p><p>Happy Valentine's Day(?)!</p><p>♥</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I was only seven the first time I went to the garula abattoir. This, I would learn later, was part of my training—to desensitize me to the sight of blood, because they presumed I’d see lots of it.</p><p>Not Noct’s. My own.</p><p>Later, I returned to ask about different cuts of meat. Baking had turned to cooking, and none of the Citadel chefs would explain the difference between flank and sirloin, chuck and round. The butchers were more than happy to show me where these places were.</p><p>What they looked like.</p><p>How to <em>cut</em>.</p><p>Which is why I kept coming back during my Crownsguard training.</p><p>No one will show you how to strike a vital organ better than a butcher.</p><p>No one else can teach you how best to bleed a man dry.</p><p>I remember the first time they let me perform the entire slaughter. The weight of the handgun, unreasonably heavy in my hands. <em>Remember—don’t aim between its eyes, son,</em> the supervisor told me, <em>or it’ll just suffer. You owe that beast a clean death.</em></p><p>I drew the star between its eyes with my mind, took aim at the invisible point above, and pulled the trigger. The recoil was like no other firearm I’ve ever used before or since, but the garulessa immediately slumped and twitched. As she went down, I threw the switch for the winch to hoist her up and, once her throat was at arm level, severed her jugular and carotid so her blood could drain away before the skinning.</p><p>I was fifteen.</p><p>Noct hadn’t even graduated high school, and I could peel the face off an animal.</p><p>So, when Pryna shows me Noct’s fate—what being the Chosen King <em>truly</em> means—I think of King Regis.</p><p>That supervisor.</p><p>His words.</p><p>
  <em>You owe that beast a clean death.</em>
</p><p>And I wish I could have cut His Majesty’s throat myself.</p><p>How <em>dare</em> he allow me to be party to this lie! All this time, I’ve stood by Noct, offering my love and support—only to discover that his father was ready to offer him up as a blood sacrifice? As a burnt offering? As altar dressing? <em>And without question?</em></p><p>Who are these gods, Noct, that demand you open your veins? They’re no gods I honor. No gods worth following blindly.</p><p>He should have told us. He should have told <em>me</em>! I would have done anything—<em>anything</em>—to help you.</p><p>I would have found a way to save you.</p><p>And Lunafreya! I see you, bleeding from the belly—an effective, <em>literal</em> gutting—using the last of your life to keep my king alive. ( <em>You owe that beast a clean death.</em> ) You’ll never know how I’d seethed when Noct returned from Tenebrae, broken-hearted but starry-eyed and swooning over you. His<em> Oracle</em>, his<em> Luna</em>. He was so married to that destiny, just as he was to be married to you. But you knew, didn’t you? You never told him. You, too, are complicit.</p><p>Well, were. Now you’re gone. A trade, I guess.</p><p>Oh, Ravus—you think the <em>Lucians</em> made a sacrifice of your sister? No, we didn’t do that. She did that on her own to make a sacrifice of Noct. Her body is the heavyweight gun in the gods’ hands.</p><p>Noct will never stop now.</p><p>But I will not let your sword near his skin.</p><p>You can only offer a filthy end.</p><p>Come closer so I can flay you.</p><p>If I’m honest with myself, I don’t think I want you to come to your senses. I don’t want you to see that she did this to herself. Noct did nothing but be raised to die. She played her ante-mortem part. Inspecting him. Healing him. A holy veterinarian. And yes, you’re right that she didn’t need to die, but Six above, I’m glad she did.</p><p><em>I’m glad she did</em>.</p><p>Noct didn’t choose this</p><p>he didn’t choose this</p><p>he didn’t choose this</p><p><em>no one chooses to be stock</em>.</p><p>They were right, Ravus. I am desensitized to the sight of my own blood. I don’t even see it anymore.</p><p>The only blood I see now is Noct’s, spilling for this world.</p><p>I am not as unfeeling as Gladio once accused me of being, the day he caught me returning from the abattoir. <em>Shiva’s tits, </em>he’d screamed at me,<em> you can’t let anyone find out you’re doing this!</em></p><p><em>Why not? </em>I was perfectly calm, scrubbing my nail beds before heading to Noct’s to prepare dinner.</p><p>
  <em>Because it ain’t normal!</em>
</p><p>Ahh, how I’d almost laughed at the suggestion that I’d ever been normal! <em>And why is normalcy such an important trait for the advisor to a future king, Gladiolus? Shouldn’t I be extraordinary?</em></p><p>
  <em>The Council—they’ll think you’re a cold-blooded monster.</em>
</p><p><em>I should hope so. </em>How this burns in retrospect, knowing what I know now.</p><p>
  <em>Not like this! They’ll fire you if they think you’re a danger to Noct.</em>
</p><p>That stopped me in my tracks. <em>I…see. Duly noted. I will endeavor to keep my extracurricular activities under wraps.</em></p><p>
  <em>You do that, Iggy. You do that.</em>
</p><p>I watch Lunafreya’s spirit retreat and Ravus sob for his loss. My heart does hurt for him, even as I secretly thank—<em>who? I don’t know, perhaps no one anymore</em>—that she gave her life. Her last breath means another member of the conspiracy gone, another person who kept me in the dark as to my true purpose: to lead the man I love to slaughter.</p><p>To turn his wedding processional into a killing chute.</p><p>Oh, you may have tried to treat him humanely, but you still were party to his destruction.</p><p>For this, I’ll never forgive you.</p><p>And Ravus, your pain is nothing compared to the incandescence of my rage. It seers me, and it will sear the darkness from the skies. I will never be party to his exsanguination. I cannot accept a future where Noct is an offering.</p><p>He is no beast.</p><p>I do not owe him a clean death.</p><p>I owe him life and love and everything the world would take from him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/lucianlibrarian">@lucianlibrarian</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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